21 Years of Marriage - Still Hard Some Days

Today I have been married to my honey for 21 years... yep, TWENTY-ONE years. I remember thinking at two years of marriage that it felt like we'd been together lifetime and yet felt like only yesterday when we were married at the same time. 

But today, I tried to reflect on how I felt... but it just feels.... well....
     Normal....
              ..... part of my routine. I know, there's nothing magical to report. I don't hear love songs playing in the background and I don't feel comfortable posting about that we're anything less then average.

Do I feel like it's Happily Every After?
Nope... not really there yet (ask me in 20 more years). Do I feel like I'm more "in love with him today then I was yesterday?" Not really because he came home, yelled at a kid or two and then farted reminding me that the magic of marriage is LONG gone.

You would think with 21 years of marriage would mean that I am better at "being married," then say someone with only 10 years of marriage. But I highly doubt that is the case. I still feel like I fight for each day...try to find something good in it. Try not to get frustrated and not expect too much. Some days it feels like we're just roommates headed for the same goal but not always going about it together.

Do I think I'd be better off "not" married? NOPE, not for a second. I believe watching my kids, that having their dad here really does matter. Do I think having him here for me matters as well? Absolutely! He is definitely the ROCK in our family...sometimes a stubborn, immovable rock that spends more time watching TV then he should, but a rock still the same. Does this man I've been married to for 21 years have my back. 100% ....he would be the first one there to defend me, cheer for me and carry me if needed.


I just wanted to be real. I can honestly say I love him and I would miss him if he weren't here. Could we use some work on the marriage thing? For sure!! In fact, couldn't everyone from 1 year of marriage to 21. It does take a LOT of PATIENCE and even more compromise. But I cannot overlook the fact that LOVE is sandwiched in there somewhere.

But I am thankful that we've made it to 21 years together. My mom pointed out today that it's been longer then her two marriages put together, HA, HA. Anyway, here's to only getting better with practice.










25 comments:

  1. Congrats on your 21 years of marriage and keeping it real! I have been married for 31 and can totally related to ever thing you have said, and I won't want it any other way.

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  2. Much congratulations on your anniversary! I enjoyed your post. I have a big anniversary coming up soon, too, and understand the amount of dedication and commitment it takes to sustain a marriage. Continued best wishes to you both! ~Cindy@ littlemisscelebration.com

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  3. Congratulations, Lori -- you truly have the right idea. I was married 21 years the first time and now almost 20 on my 2nd marriage. You DO get better and you learn what's important and what isn't. Hopefully, this is my final "21" anniversary and hopefully you'll have 21 more with the same guy!

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  4. YAY you! The fart comment made me laugh right out loud because oh man do I get that.
    I loved talking to you yesterday...you are so real and cool and real some more. I don't feel like I have to guard myself when I talk to you. You totally get what I mean about that, right? I love ya lady and am so happy that you and that guy are where you are!!

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    1. Awwww all these amazing comments are totally making me cry. And Marci I adore you so much!! Thank you for letting your guard down with me and accepting me for all my faults. Love you girl!!

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  5. Congrats on 21 years!! We will be married for 14 years in a couple of weeks and I totally get all that you are saying......it does take a whole lot of work from both of you to keep it going, but in the end I am sure all the hard work is worth it (verses not having him by your side for love and support all along the way). WAY TO GO!!

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  6. Congrats on 21 years!! We will be married for 14 years in a couple of weeks and I totally get all that you are saying......it does take a whole lot of work from both of you to keep it going, but in the end I am sure all the hard work is worth it (verses not having him by your side for love and support all along the way). WAY TO GO!!

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  7. Lori, I love your commentary. I was 2 weeks shy from hitting #21 when my marriage ended. It makes me sad that it was yet one more loss but one that God will definitely see me through. I love your honesty and acknowledging that it is work and sometimes very hard work. Happy Anniversary to you and your honey and I pray that God will bless you and your marriage. Thanks for making me smile.

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    1. Faye you are so sweet and totally made me cry. Thank you for sharing your story with me and making "my heart" smile. Love you girl!!

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  8. Lori,
    I too can relate, I have been married for 27 years in June. Met him when I was in high school, very young. We have grown up together, while raising our three kids. We are almost empty nester's. For the last ten years he has worked out of town 4 days , home three so we each have our space. Now not sure what it will be like if and when we are together 24/7?

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  9. What a wonderful milestone! Marriage has made me grow to be my very best, after it showed me how I can be at my very worst ;) I think it's good for kids to see parents disagree and then resolve it in healthy ways. Or maybe even not healthy ways at first, but go back and apologize for that part too. It's also good for them to see that even though we might not always see eye to eye we ALWAYS stick up for each other. Always.

    You bring so much light with you. I love that I know you.

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    1. Love you girl...thanks for commenting! I'm happy we met and you're my FRIEND. We still need to do lunch!!

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  10. Congrats on 21 years! My hubs and I have been married 23 years but have known each other for 25...you have described my marriage so succinctly! And here's to another 21...or 23...or more years of "LOVE" for us all! Thanks for sharing!

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  11. Happy Anniversary! How real you got! But, you think realisticly. If we think that everything is going to be roses, just because you made it "21" years, thats unreal. Here's to staying together, working at it and loving one another. Love ya

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  12. You are like the freaking cutest thing ever! I LOVE that you are totally honest and real! Because NOBODY has the 'perfect marriage' even tho we pretend to. I am Happy you have made it 21 years, most people don't. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!
    I am so glad you are a part of my life now, you bring me sunshine!
    XOXO
    Andrea

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  13. Going on 20 yrs myself and I think you hit it right on the money. Marriage is still giving a 100% all the time. Our goal to get each other to heaven, some days easier than other days! ~God bless you and thanks for being honest! May God grant you many more happy years together~

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  14. Happy anniversary, Lori. I can truly relate to what you are saying. Marriage is hard and a lot of work. There is no perfect marriage. I think, like you said, we could all work on it more. Here's to another 21 years! :) We are coming up on our 18th in May (and dated for 6 yrs before we got married). We met in 1984 when we were in high school!! Long time!

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    1. Wow I Michelle I think you should totally count the 6 years before marriage (wink)!

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  15. Congrats on 21. I'm a little bit ahead of you at 31. Life is an adventure. I am so thankful for the one I get to share it with.

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  16. Lori,
    I am a new subscriber and the first entry I see is this one...my thoughts are...congratulations to you and your hubby on 21 years and I wish everyone had the courage to be REAL!...If I had a check box for each sentence...I would have said: "check, check and check"...Dave and I are going on 29...do we have to work at it..heck, yeah..does it get easier...nope, it just gets different...so glad to be a part of your Blog and creativity!
    Tina

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    1. Thanks Tina and welcome!! I loved that you said it doesn't get easier, just "different"...amen to that!!

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  17. Firstly, congratulations on your Anniversary, it really is a remarkable effort from you both. x

    I would also like to thank you for sharing with such honesty as so many people would opt for the sugar-coated version. You showed true devotion to your marriage by simply telling it as it is... farts and all!

    My dear old mum 'warned' me that marriage wasn't the Cinderella story most little girls dream of. Her perception was more along the lines of: hard work, determination, communication and friendship glued together by a little bit of love. I get it now! And to be honest I couldn't even tell you how many years I've been married, the farmer and I have never really counted anniversaries and most years the day passes without either of us realising. We just know we are together, whether we like it or not :) x

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  18. Just wanted to say thank you for sharing your heart with us. Your real authentic thoughts were so much better than some mushy facade. Thanks for keeping it real!

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  19. Being married these days for 21 years is no easy task! I love how you put all your REAL thoughts in writing. I gotta say, I agree with you, (18 years this year, for me and mine!) Hard work?-absolutely! Would I trade it? Not for anything in the world!
    Congratulations, and may you have MANY, MANY more!

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